when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
