It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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