Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize