so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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