Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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