I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
