i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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