what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
please come you make the beer taste better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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