dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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