i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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