dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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