Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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