i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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