Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
