there was a trapeze. enough said
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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