Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize