So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
