yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
