see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
