no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
