Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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