Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
