I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
