On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
