just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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