god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize