she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
