Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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