so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're like the curious george of whores
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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