my sisters under your porch take her home
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
