You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
