why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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