I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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