I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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