It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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