What a fucking waste of an outfit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
