where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
