I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
