After last night, I could never be a politician.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
