Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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