PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
