I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
