Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
