i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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