you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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