Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
