dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
