I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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