Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
