I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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