it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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