So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Enjoy the penises
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
