do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
