Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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