your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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