I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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