i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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