i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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