I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
