Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
