Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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