you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
