dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
