just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
