Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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