I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
