she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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