Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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