so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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