Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
