That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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