idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
