I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
