wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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