apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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