hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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