how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
