He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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